Monday, May 11, 2015

Remembering You - As If I'll Ever Forget

We got up today & did what we needed to.. got things ready for your memorial, planned the music we would play, bought what needed to be bought. I ended up kind of arguing with the person who thought she knew what I was feeling on Saturday night - about what I said I wanted versus what she believed I said I wanted. She thought that before I left here I said I wanted a candlelight vigil-type thing (Erin would've hated that!) and that I should bring his instruments & display them at the memorial (I was already doing that, along with other things that made him who he was) & I ended up feeling resentful even though she was just trying to help. There were just too many decisions I didn't want to make & I didn't want it to be too "formal" or whatever.

She decided it was going to have food & made a bunch of chicken to shred for sandwiches, so I got Jodee & Chris to bring barbecue sauce & we bought buns. I appreciated the thought, but I didn't care, I wasn't hungry. 

Went and signed the paperwork at the funeral home to have my baby boy cremated, which was surreal & I was in way too much shock to let it affect me. Troy had a much harder time than I did, I think it was that he felt so helpless, with me being the next of kin and all of that. We made payment arrangements (my MIL sent them a check) and then we grabbed lunch & met Kassy at their house to go through Erin's stuff, deciding what she would take & what we would. 

We went to Main Street Park at 5, to set up tables & chairs. He spent so much of his life, in so many phases at that park, it only seemed fitting. There are pictures, but I don't have them, yet, when I get them, I'll post some. There was more arguing about what the other person wanted, I ended up just telling her to do whatever what she wanted to, I was tired & sad & done. 

So many people from different times in Erin's life showed up. An ex girlfriend mingling with his current one, friends who had different hobbies, friends from high school, the road, skater friends, musician friends, Amtgard friends, family members. All joined together to remember someone that none of us will ever forget.

This was the playlist:

My eulogy (if I had been able to speak):

This isn't the mourning of Erin's passing, because he will never truly fade from this world, his flame burned far too brightly for that.

This is a celebration of a life that while it may have ended too soon for all of us, was lived to its fullest.

Most mothers don't have the privilege of being real, true friends with their child, I had the profound opportunity to have my son as one of my best friends.

We loved the same music - for the most part - I introduced him to The Ramones, The Misfits & Social D and he turned me onto AFI, The Distillers, Old Crow Medicine Show & so many other amazing performers.

Erin was a wordsmith, he could make you think - about who you are, what you believe & how you were living your life. He had strong opinions & sometimes he forgot that we all do, but he always tried to respect the fact that we don't have to agree to get along.

He was an amazing musician in his own right, although, because he wasn't technically perfect, he didn't believe he was talented. He loved what he played & sang & that showed in everything he did, no matter the instrument he chose.

Like all Leos he was a bright & shining flame, and while he never actively sought center stage, he always had it. He touched many more lives, in unforgettable ways than we will ever be able to know, I have never heard a bad word about Erin, but so many people gave said what an amazing man & a great friend he was more times than I can begin to count.

Erin may be gone from our lives, but like a worn-in leather jacket, he will never be forgotten.

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