Tuesday, May 26, 2015

A Sister's Pain

I talked to Rhi yesterday. Her first sentence was almost overwhelming, "I've been dreading this call, because I knew I'd cry." It's not that she's embarrassed to cry in jail or feels like it makes her a target, it's because (& I've felt this a lot, too) she doesn't want people to say, "let me know if I can do anything," because we all only want one thing & no one can bring you back. The only other thing Dad & I could ask for (& probably Rhi, too) is to not hurt like this anymore, and they can't do that, either.

The GoFundMe that Dea started for us raised enough to pay for your cremation, so we paid that back to Grandma Jeanie this morning, now we just keep waiting.. For your ashes, for your death certificate, to know how you died, if we never know why.

I miss you, kid. I've missed you so much since you graduated, you'd think I'd be used to it. This time is different. This time I know you won't be coming through the door ever again. I don't think any amount of time is ever going to make that hurt less.

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