Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Wishcasting Wednesday

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Today's prompt is: What do you wish for?

I wish for this year of sadness to be over. I wish for the next one to be happier. Better. Some year just give you so much more than you feel like you can handle, you know? 2012 was one of those years, actually, the past 3 have been that way. I'm ready for a year where I can just better myself & stop care-taking someone else's addiction. A year where I feel like I matter.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Happy Everything!

I made this for Facebook & thought it appropriate here.. so may you have all of the blessings of the season, be safe, well & happy!

Sunday Stealing December 23, 2012

Join us! (I tried to do this yesterday, but was having computer problem)

1. How many songs are in your library? 6678

2. Do you like Christmas music? For the most part, yes.

3. What magazines do you have subscriptions to? Family Circle, Bon Appetite, Whole Living, Rolling Stone, Weight Watchers.. I think that's all.

4. What is your favorite scent? I don't have a favorite.

5. Do you give money to charity? I give money to homeless people without judgement, that's my form of charity

6. What is your theme song? I don't have one.

7. What's in your wallet? My driver's license, my bank card (debit only), a store rewards card, $30, a card with the ink my printer takes & $1.20 in change.

8. Do you generally think before you act, or act before you think? I'm a thinker, probably too much of one.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days? Not since my daughter disowned us & stopped bothering me - things have been calm, happy & amazing.

10. Do you have a good body-image? No, not really, but I'm trying.

11. How are you spending your holidays? We had Yule here at the house. We opened gifts, went out to lunch & enjoyed each other's company, that night, the Circle came over, we had ritual & a dessert potluck & some of us exchanged gifts. Tomorrow afternoon, we're going to my parents' house for dinner & gifts.

12. What have you been seriously addicted to lately? Monster energy drinks.

13. Tell us a secret? I don't think I have any.

14. What’s the last song that got stuck in your head? Not a clue.

15. What’s your favorite item of clothing? My new slippers.

16. Do you think Rice Krispies are yummy? No, they're pretty tasteless.

17. Is Santa real? Yep.

18. What should you be doing right now? I'm doing it.

Monday, December 10, 2012


We finally got the living room cleaned up and got the tree up & decorated. We bought a brand new one this year, complete with pine cones & berries. It's much taller than we've ever had before & I'm so in love with it! I've gotten all of the gifts we bought for family put in bags, but haven't added tissue or tags, yet. I got distracted when I realized I had misplaced the gift I bought my sister-in-law a few months back. I tore the bedroom up looking for it, but still haven't, so I'm left to assume it got accidentally thrown away & will now have to be replaced.

But, the bedroom is nearly ready for Yule rite, now that I'm having to clean it back up from my futile search! I also found a bunch of shirts I bought to go with my daughter's Yule gift, but since she has decided that I'm not welcome in her life anymore, I have no idea what to do with them. They don't fit me, and they're definitely designed for a woman, so my son has no use for them, either. Maybe I'll donate them to the women's shelter or something.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Sunday Stealing

Join us at Sunday Stealing!

What is your favorite possession? I'm not sure.. my laptop or my XTerra?

Do you like to read? If so, which books do you love best?  Yes. Anything with a little suspense or some creep factor.

Do you have any pets? Yep, a dog. Her name is Tiny, she's a German Shepherd mix & she's 9 years old.

What was your favorite food as a child? Is it the same now? Anything my mom hid & declared forbidden. No, now I'm into sushi & such.

What is your favorite thing about blogging? I really believe it helps keep me as sane as I am.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Right here is fine.

What is your favorite number? I don't really have one.

Which of these things would you find hardest to give up for a year? Chocolate, reading, coffee or smoking? Reading, hands down.

If you could make your life into a movie, what would you name it.. and who would you want to play you? Divorcing my Daughter.. umm.. I guess whoever wanted to?

If you had £20,000  for a shopping spree, what would you buy? I'd probably just pay off my debt, because that would give me more money in a month to spend.

If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be? Probably no one, I'm pretty shy & don't like eating in front of people I don't know.


So. I let my domain registration lapse, so I'm having to rebuild this site the best I can from scratch. Right now, I can't even figure out how to add a blogroll, so bear with me & I'll try to have things back up & running as quickly as possible.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Sunday Stealing: November 18th, 2012

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Have You’s and What If’s!
1. Have you anything to confess today? No, I don’t believe I do.
2. have you ever broken a law? If so, what was it? Many times for many things. I’ve been arrested twice, once for shoplifting as a minor & again a few months later for 1st degree arson (the charges were dropped, I was there, I didn’t light any fires)
3. have you ever committed an act of betrayal against a friend or family member? explain. I’m sure I have, but I try not to focus on the mistakes I’ve made in the past, so I don’t really have any examples.
4. Has someone else done something that, to this day, makes you cringe when you think about them committing the act?. Yep. My ex-husband did a lot of things that still make me cringe.
5. Have you ever found yourself sexually aroused by someone that you absolutely should not have been? Nope.
6. have you ever cheated at school? how so? No.
7. What if you came across a backpack stuffed with one hundred thousand dollars. Would you keep it? I would want to, but I’d turn it in to the police.
8. What if you were the most powerful person in the world. How would you use that power? To make things better for people.
9. What if you found a magic lamp? I’d leave it where I found it.
10. What if you could change one thing about the world. What would that one thing be? There would be less intolerance.
11. What if you could take one thing back. What would that one thing be? There really isn’t anything. I’ve made mistakes, took the wrong path at times & hurt people, but I wouldn’t be who I am now without those mistakes & missteps.
12. What if you were stuck on an island forever but had all the water, food and shelter you needed. What would you do? I guess I’d make the most of it, there isn’t much else I could do.
13. What if the internet didn’t exist? I’d do all of things I did to entertain myself before it existed?
14. What if you never started blogging? I would still be me, living the same life I’m living, I’d just be keeping a paper journal & updating it every once in awhile.
15. What are your November 22 Thanksgiving plans? Me, my husband & the kids are going out to eat. We’ve never done it before, but I get so tired of the family drama at my parents’ house.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Saturday Six: November 17, 2012

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1. K is for KAKISTOCRACY: Which president would you rate as the worst in history? Honestly, they’ve all done about the same. Those we deem as “bad presidents” pretty much just managed to get caught while the “good” ones didn’t.
2. K is for KARAOKE: If you had to sing a song in a Karaoke tournament, which song would you choose? Don’t Stop Believing by Journey or something by Green Day.
3. K is for KETCHUP: Which condiment do you use the most? Ketchup or Frank’s Red Hot.
4. K is for KEY: What does the oldest key you own open? My XTerra.
5. K is for KITCHEN: What would you most like to change about your kitchen? More storage, more drawers & better use of counter space.
6. K is for KNOWLEDGE: Which single school subject has served you the best in your adult life? The one I hated the most – math.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Friday Fill-Ins: November 16, 2012

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1. If you love something, set it free.
2. I really enjoy singing la la la
3. I have to ask you how did you find your way here?
4. I don’t have vices; just bad habits.
5. I didn’t have time to put dishes away today.
6. Having pets is something I love beyond all reason.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to relaxing, tomorrow my plans include Amtgard and Sunday, I want to make enchiladas!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Wishingcasting Wednesday: November 14, 2012

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Jamie asks us today: What do you wish to dare?
I wish to dare to just let life happen; to be spontaneous, to laugh, to take spur-of-the-moment trips with my beloved, to grab that perfect gift when I see it, instead of hesitating.
I wish to dare to learn to trust my daughter again; to take a little bit of risk with her every day, so that she can see that I’m trying as hard as she is.
I wish to dare to step outside my comfort zone and create the things in my mind without fear of judgement.
I wish to dare to love myself as much as others do.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Curious as a Cat Week 347

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1) You were just given a yacht. What would you name it? The Desert Rat
2) America’s game: baseball or football? Or something else? Well, baseball is played in a lot of places around the world, American football is only played here, so I’m going to say football. Go Broncos!
3) What was your favorite TV show when you were growing up? That, I think depends on the age I was. I have never been someone who can say one thing is my absolute favorite. As a young child it was Sesame Street (which started when I was 3), Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood & Captain Kangaroo. After I started school, it was Saturday morning cartoons (Sigmund & the Sea Monsters, Captain Caveman, Scooby Do and many others), later on The Twilight Zone, Star Trek, Night Gallery and The Six-Million Dollar Man. As a teen, I loved Family Ties & The Cosby Show.
4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. (this was a picture of a snow angel) When I was 4, in the fall, I had my final corrective surgery on my feet (I was born with club foot)and was in a wheelchair & casts for part of the winter & on crutches for the rest. My older brothers knew I was bored & sad that I couldn’t go out & play in the snow, so every day, they’d have my mom move the dining table chairs & let me wheel over to the big, back window to watch them put on crazy shows in the snow for me.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Sunday Stealing 11/11/12

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Who Are you? Part 7 – It is Over!
Part 7: Self Image
84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you: I get up when I wake up most days, sometimes that’s at 5:30am, sometimes closer to 10am. I check my email & Facebook, check in on my daily web sites I visit, post in my blogs & eat breakfast. I visit with whomever is at home & awake, take care of whatever chores need doing, maybe watch TV or surf the web some more, have lunch. In the afternoon, I run whatever errands need running, and towards evening, I drive my son to work, I start dinner & if my daughter’s color comes up, I drive her to drug test or to her group therapy. On some Tuesdays, I go to Family group therapy for about an hour & half. In the evening, we eat dinner, watch TV or play a video game. If needed, we pick our daughter up and on some nights, my son from work & then we go to bed.
85. What is your greatest strength as a person? My generous spirit.
86. What is your greatest weakness? My generous spirit.
87. Are you going to run for President in 2016? Absolutely not.
88. Are you generally self-contained? I’m not really sure what that means in regards to a person.. but I think so?
89. Are you generally organized or messy? I’m an organized mess.
90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at: Planning, cooking, crafts. Cleaning, arguing, sword-fighting.
91. Do you like your neighbours? Do they like you? Yes, I like the neighbors we’ve met very much & think they like me too.
92. Are you different in public then you act among friends? Yes, unless I’m with my friends.
93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? I just want to experience living a calm life, without constantly worrying about someone else’s sobriety. To live in a home, with just Troy & I would be pretty close to heaven.
94. Where do you see yourself in 4 years? Right here, doing the same things we do now. We’re pretty content in our life and I don’t believe in fixing what isn’t broken.
95. If you could choose, how would you want to leave this world? Quietly & when I’m ready.
96. If you had only one week to live, what three things would be bumped up on the bucket list? I don’t have a bucket list, or the money to pursue one, for that matter. I’d spend as much time with my friends & family as possible, tie up loose ends and try to enjoy that last few days I had.
97. What is one thing about you that really stands out? I don’t know, personally.
98. What three words best describe your personality? Zany, kind, loyal
99. What three words would others probably use to describe you? Crazy, funny, nice
100. What advice do you have to give? I try not to give advice.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

The Saturday Six 11/10/12

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November 10? Really? How did that happen?
The Saturday Six!
1. J is for JAILBREAK: Would you ever jailbreak a piece of your technology to do things that weren’t supported by the manufacturer, even if it voided the warranty? I haven’t, but I did, a few months ago, ask a friend to jailbreak my phone. He never got around to it before he moved away. If I knew how to do it myself, I would.
2. J is for JAZZ: What your favorite jazz tune? Oh. I don’t care much for jazz.
3. J is for JELLY: What’s your favorite flavor of jelly? Is jam okay, too? If so, the spicy mango jam I made earlier in the fall.
4. J is for JET: What’s the farthest distance you’ve traveled by plane? In one trip? Salt Lake City to Dallas or maybe Sacramento to Pueblo, CO.
5. J is for JEWELRY: Which piece of jewelry that you own means the most to you (and why)? Hmmm. I guess my wedding ring.
6. J is for JOURNAL: Other than your blog, do you keep a private, written journal that is truly for your eyes only? No, but sometimes I make some posts private.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Friday Fill-Ins 11/9/12

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1. One time, I almost fell a very long way, down a dike & into a river.
2. My husband is something that makes me smile.
3. Seven words I love: effervescent, exuberant, intoxicating, chortle, effluvia, ephemera, kangaroo.
4. No snow; rain.
5. I looked out the window today and saw big, black clouds rolling in.
6. I’m still kicking and that’s saying something!
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to Belegarth & making couscous salad, tomorrow my plans include Amtgard & a visit from our Queen and Sunday, I want to play Borderlands 2 all day with Troy!

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Thursday Two Questions

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1) Do you like eating fish? (if no, why not?) (if yes, what type(s)) I do. I’m really very fond of fish & sometimes catch myself craving it. I love any ocean fish, and sushi grade tuna is a favorite. I don’t like freshwater fish at all, unless it’s been smoked.
2) How much fish do you consume? Not nearly as much as I’d like to.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Life Still Rolls On

I know I’ve been kind of quiet lately. Things are changing here. Some are the same, some feel all too familiar & others are completely different, even now. Our daughter came home on the 1st of November. She was released to intensive outpatient care, rather than just to continuing or after care. Her counselor felt that her desire to be home was impeding her progress at recovery. While I could see her point, I feel like being at home before she was ready to be here is impeding it even more.

We’ve been through one relapse already, 4 days after she got home – she drank a bottle of body spray at home & part of a bottle of hairspray later at our god-daughter’s house. She started to try to hide it, until I told her that she smelled funny & I was going to breathalyze her when we got home. She came clean about the hairspray at that point & lied to me, flat-out about the body spray until I asked her again when we were alone.

I told her she had to tell everyone else who’s involved in her recovery and that she had to be 100% honest about it, and, as far as I know, she was. She has been.. strange ever since. Obsessed with this man she lived with before she went to jail this time. Insisting that she’s okay to be with him, that she isn’t in a relationship with him and so on. She asked if she could go to his house today if I breathalyzed her before & after & got pissed when I told her she couldn’t. That started a bunch of bad feelings on my part, and on our son’s, too.

I told her exactly how I felt, and all she could keep saying was “Do you want me to leave?” and variations of that. I felt angry & frustrated, and said some things that I shouldn’t have and I guess I’ll deal with the implications of that as time goes on. I restated the terms that she agreed to in order to live here. I told her that she was welcome to leave if she didn’t agree with them now. I also told her that if she wanted to live here, she wasn’t associating with people she has used with in the past. The the justifications began, “I didn’t use with him, I drank with him.”

I’m standing my ground on this. She can fall in line or leave, either way, it’s no skin off of my nose. This is her life & her addiction, and her recovery or relapse has no bearing on my own recovery from all of this. She can either decide to live, or she can decide to keep drinking & drugging. I  didn’t cause it. I can’t control it. I can’t cure it.

So. Yeah. That’s what’s going on there.