Troy went back to work today. I spent the day alone, yelling at Erin. I'm so angry that he left me. So angry that I'm hurting. So angry that I didn't even get to tell him goodbye or see him one last time. Sometimes it hurts so much I can't even breathe.
If I had known the the trip to move me out here was the last one he & I would ever take together, I'd have savored it more. I'd have taken pictures of us together, pictures of him, talked more, laughed more, shared more. I'd have driven more slowly & made it last. There would have been more hugging & more tears at "goodbye" when they left to go back to Utah.
I miss him. I spent years missing him, and years worrying about him, but I always knew I'd see him again, until now. I never knew it could hurt this way.
It poured down rain this afternoon, the sun was shining & the rain was coming down in huge torrents. I finally got the rest of my groceries that we bought the day Erin died, put away, did a few chores, starting sewing again for Salt Wars. Just trying to keep busy, to keep my mind off of the pain.