Thursday, May 28, 2015

A New Life, Just Begun

Mark & Sarah's little boy was born 2 days ago, they named him Ullric Hammond. He's very cute.

I had a little bit of a meltdown yesterday evening, and cried until I couldn't anymore, some days I get through okay & others I cry my way through. On almost all of them though I feel like I'm just going through the motions, trying to get through it to another day further from the pain. Tomorrow is 3 weeks, and a lifetime.

This week I vary between no hunger, starving & nausea if I eat anything. I have no way of telling if it's an illness of grief, it just is. It's how life is right now.

I often wonder if you had any idea at all of the number of lives you touched & how many people loved you & are missing you, now. I wonder if knowing would have made a difference in how you lived your last year. I know it's pointless for me to think about it, but at the same time, it's made me realize how much I matter to people around me & it is changing how I live my own life.

So many stupid, petty things just don't even matter anymore. 

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