Monday, May 18, 2015


I got my first letter from Rhi since she found out. She's trying to hard to be strong, which I don't want her to do that. I want her to feel her grief, to cry when she feels it. She has to have the freedom to work through her feelings, to try to come to a place of peace with all of this - or as much as any of us can find in this place of pain.

It hurts me so much to know she's in pain & all alone, that I can't do anything to comfort her at all. I'm terrified I'll lose her, too. I know I can't do this with one of my babies again & survive. I always thought I couldn't survive losing one, and believe me, there are times when the thought of not having to feel this hurt for the rest of my life is soooo tempting, but I couldn't do that to anyone. 

I hate what this has done to everyone I care about.

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