Monday, August 17, 2015

Life Goes On

Still waiting for your DC, I often wonder if we'll be waiting forever. At any rate, when it dies get here, I gave no intention to post your cause of death publicly. There are very few people who really have a need and a right to know that. It's just not for public consumption. 

People are still angry about tattoos & angry at me for not jumping on the bandwagon to screw the artist, but that's life. It goes on & you either realize you were wrong in your reaction, or you don't. The very worst part of the whole thing is that there were people who were waiting to get theirs, who were being reasonable & decent & they won't be able to afford to get theirs now. Isn't that always the way things go, though? Someone gets greedy or pushy & ruins it for the people who are quiet & waiting in line.

I've been sick, some cold or other bug. Probably from changing climates going back & forth to Utah, but I'm feeling better today. Bella is afraid of thunder & fireworks now, I'm not sure if it's learned behavior from Tiny or something else, but she is.

I'm okay. I worry that Zoloft is preventing me from grieving properly, but I guess I'll take being numb over crying every day. I do cry occasionally, but I'm better able to process my thoughts about your death this way. I'm not beating myself up over it these days. I didn't take your hand & lead you up that final path. You walked that alone, fully aware of the consequences & what was lying ahead if you didn't turn around. I offered you a way out. A place to start over, yet again. You didn't want it. That was your choice. I miss you. I love you. But I didn't kill you.

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