Tears

Last night I couldn't stop crying. I laid in the dark, tears streaming down my face, gasping for air, throat constricted, heart breaking into a million more pieces, just like the very first night.

I talked to you two days before you died, Erin. Two. Days. What in the world happened between those 2 days? What went wrong? 

I worked on your picture cork board for awhile the other day. I think it may have been too much for me right now. There were too many pictures of you from too many times in your life. I see things in your eyes from your teen years that I should've seen back then, things that should have alarmed me, but didn't at the time.

It literally breaks me to see the pain in your eyes, to know I completely missed it, putting most of that off as you being a moody teen, but I know that it was real & I refused to see it, that it was too close. I'm so sorry that I failed you in so many ways, but I'm more sorry that all of my chances to tell you that are gone.

Time moves on. We move closer to your birthday. I'm not sure I can handle that, I'm just thankful I won't be alone.