Everything now is tinged with sadness and memories that I can allow up to the surface, because I can't spend my life crying my eyes out. I never used to pay attention when something made me laugh or smile, but now, it's a big deal, because some days I have to force myself. When it just happens it's a golden moment.
Good news though, we should have health insurance soon, and getting back on my meds will help. I'm keeping up with the house for the most part & cooking dinner at night. Caring enough to shower is still hard sometimes, but it'll happen eventually.
I miss you, my boyli. I don't think I'm ever going to have another day when that isn't my first & last thought.