Before & After

I can look at pictures I posted last month & know instantly the day our lives changed - when it became divided into two parts; before & after. That picture is just an ordinary one, taken a little while before I got that terrible call, just four boxes from our grocery shopping trip that morning, but looking at it causes me pain. That was, what seems like, the last truly normal moment in my life.

Everything now is tinged with sadness and memories that I can allow up to the surface, because I can't spend my life crying my eyes out. I never used to pay attention when something made me laugh or smile, but now, it's a big deal, because some days I have to force myself. When it just happens it's a golden moment.

Good news though, we should have health insurance soon, and getting back on my meds will help. I'm keeping up with the house for the most part & cooking dinner at night. Caring enough to shower is still hard sometimes, but it'll happen eventually.

I miss you, my boyli. I don't think I'm ever going to have another day when that isn't my first & last thought.