Four Weeks

Another Friday. Another week trying to get used to the idea that we'll never see you again. How can that even be? There were still things we all wanted to do together? How is it even possible that we'll never get to now? 

Why?!?! Why is all I have left of you is a guitar, a leather jacket & a giant hole in my soul?  Why is that I now get to try to rely on my memory of who you were and pictures? I don't even have a voicemail to try to save & listen to over & over so I never forget your voice.

Why can the memory of that day still bring me to my knees & steal the breath from my lungs?

I'm trying so hard just to get through every day, to just get things done & I can't even do that. I start to clean the kitchen and it never gets done. I plan to get the living room dusted & vacuumed, but I haven't done it. None of it even matters anymore. It's all just stuff that has to be taken care of when half the time I'm not sure I can take care of myself.