Ashes

I bought several necklaces that have tiny urns in them for your ashes, to give to people that we feel would like to have them. They came yesterday & of course, I've been putting off the inevitable; getting your ashes out of the cabinet that I hid them from my view & actually opening the container. I'm not sure I can do that yet. I'm not sure that I can do that ever. I know I have to, but I'm not sure I can.

I'm very tired of people who lived on the fringes of your life bothering me every couple of weeks, asking me if we know your cause of death yet & if we do, could I please tell them. Why does anyone who wasn't your family (actual or chosen) or your girlfriend really *need* to know? Why do all of these people you barely saw anymore & in some cases, weren't all that fond of, think they own any part of you? Where were they when you needed friends? Where were they when you were spiraling out of control? I mean, besides enabling your addictions, were they trying to help you in any way that might actually do anything for you? Do they need a reassurance that it wasn't their fault? That there wasn't anything they could do? I'm not sure I feel like giving the majority that absolution. Is that selfish? Probably. Do I care? Nope.